"Strange New World (O Novo Mundo Estranho)" by The Vicar of VHS

(inspired by Awakening of the Beast [1970])


His staircase is composed of human beings
down on all fours, like dogs at his command;
He holds their fates in one cruel, taloned hand,
his bearing and composure like a king's;

All round about his head the colors shift--
the world is suddenly liquid and strange;
his thoughts entire geometries derange
and set all moral sanity adrift;

His cape a devil's wings, his eyebrow creased
with fury, his top hat an altar stone
whereon is sacrificed and stripped to bone
your remnant mind, awakening the beast--

So best sit back and just enjoy the show,
in this strange world of Zé do Caixão.

--Vicar of VHS

"Le Mort du Whitey" by The Vicar of VHS

(inspired by Private Parts [1972])

He felt it just before it was too late--
the ozone crackle running up his wrist,
hair rising on his spine--then like a Fate
his tiny rodent brain could not resist
the keys called out to him. Bare copper wire
curled its snake's tongue around the iron ring
and venomed it with lightning, its entire
circumference a trap ready to spring.

And who's to say that something in his head
(approaching Reason) did not see the Grim
Reaper couched there, and knowingly reach up
to take his hand? What future life for him--
the cage of this hotel, Aunt Martha's cup
of tea?
             No matter now.

                                      Poor Whitey's dead.

--The Vicar of VHS

Whitey meets his mousy maker

"La Noche del Hombre-Lobo" by The Vicar of VHS

(inspired by Night of the Werewolf [1981])

--para Jacinto, con muchas gracias

They had him in his grave, or so they thought--
but now he stalks the moors and knows no rest.
The Gypsies, damn them--dirty, thieving lot!
have pulled the Silver Cross out of his chest.

Daninksy Castle's windows are ablaze
with torchlight; then at night, those horrid screams
that turn to howls. The moon's cold, deadly rays
bring down a curse that only Death redeems,

and that at True Love's hand--so says the lore.
The ancient legends teach no other way.
Look there, where on black velvet Luna hangs!
Tonight the Polish hills run red with gore,
and virgins are not safe from his dread fangs.
He's not that pure at heart. He does not pray.

--Vicar of VHS

Paul Naschy in Night of the Werewolf (1981)

"Mad Movie Amphigory" by The Vicar of VHS

This poem was originally published on Mad Mad Mad Mad Movies on December 2, 2008, as part of a then-current horror blogging alphabet meme. Links in the body of the poem lead to the movies in question and may provide some inkling of the type of flicks we want to see poetry about.


Alaric de Marnac, more evil than sin;
Bladder fx a la The Beast Within;

Curse of the Devil, perfect leap attack;
Diabolik's in Danger, Eva's got his back;

Frankenstein's daughter builds monstrous perversions,
Girl Slaves of Morgana give Gurth fine diversions;

Halloween III, better than I remember,
Inseminoid fucks what he does not dismember;

Jekyll-turned-wolfman, there's one for the ages;
The Karnstein Clan's malady's highly contagious;

Living Dead Girl, such a bittersweet fable;
Meanwhile Malabimba's a little unstable;

Night Train to Terror still has its supporters,
Olaf's sinful dwarfship transcends any borders;

Paul Naschy, the King, with pectorals so mighty,
Queen Hanna and Russ of the Over-filled nightie;

Stella Star rocks the retracting stilettos,
Tourist Trap's workshop: much worse than Gepetto's;

Uwe Boll's unrepresented here, sadly;
Varla will beat up your boyfriends, and badly;

Waldemar's wolf-form has never been beat,
Doctor X's vengance has fly-traps for feet;

Yutte Stensgaard--Lust for a Vamp, Zeta-One;
Ze do Caixao arrives, and the party is done.

With a Zang and an Eep! and a staticky screen
The Vicar is spent..IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

--Vicar of VHS

Welcome to Trash Movie Poetry!

Trash Movie Poetry is a webzine/blog devoted to poems inspired by exploitation, horror, and otherwise MAD movies. It is run by The Vicar of VHS, who spends the rest of his time singing the praises of these movies in prose at the Mad Mad Mad Mad Movies blog.

Click here to learn more about the blog, and if you would like to submit your poetry for consideration, click here for submission guidelines.

Now get scribblin'!